To the girl whose heart is absolutely breaking

heart_broken

Your heart will heal.

That’s the thing about love and relationships, they involve human beings. Human beings are fickle and funny and they can change their minds and their feelings at any moment. They’re full of emotions, and even if they don’t properly express them, they’re there. Always bubbling at the surface, ready to explode.

Ticking emotional time-bombs. That’s what we all are. That’s what you are.

And you’ve exploded.

The immense hurt you feel now, it will pass. I promise you this. Sure, you have no fucking idea how to deal with it all at the moment and you feel completely helpless, lost and so confused, but it will pass. Please believe me. Don’t shake your head, it will happen. You can move past this.

All the emptiness and pain you feel right now, it means what you had was real. It means it meant something, at least to you. Imagine you felt nothing at all? Imagine you simply left him at the airport feeling nothing? Imagine you didn’t cling to each other, not wanting to let go, either of you? Would that really be an better?

I know you want the emotions to stop. I know you want the tears to stop flowing, but you need to embrace them. Each one is there to remind you of a good memory, a happy time, and is teaching you a lesson, a lesson in love you’d not have learned had you not experienced everything you had.

Embrace the hurt.

Don’t shut down like you want to. Don’t block out the world. Don’t beg for numbness. It won’t make any of this easier. I know you think it will, but it won’t. Don’t you remember how that went the first time? The first time you lost yourself? Don’t go back there, please.

Your heart will heal.

I know you’re worried about him. I know you still care. I know you still love him, and that’s OK. You’re allowed. In fact, I encourage it. He helped you become who you are today, a better you, a more complete you. Take those tears currently streaming down your already swollen cheeks and remember the times he helped you evolve. And be forever grateful he was a part of your life.

I’m glad you don’t regret it. You don’t regret him or opening up the way you did. That makes me content, content to know you won’t look back on it all and cringe. At each stage you’re glad you made the decisions you did, because had you not you never would have felt the happiness you did at one point. Remember that. Hold on to that. Never let that go. Ever.

But, stop questioning yourself, overall. You couldn’t have known. You couldn’t have predicted the pain in the end, and even if you thought you could have, would you have stopped yourself from loving him and embarking on the journey? No, I didn’t think so.

You were each what the other needed in those moments, at the time in your lives. Emotionally, physically, mentally; the universe knew you were meant to be in those moments. And that moment has passed. That moment is gone. Vanished.

Your heart will heal.

Stop thinking about the time and effort invested; relationships aren’t bank accounts. You can’t pay into them every month and rely on the growing total to predict the overflowing account of the future. Just because effort was made, doesn’t mean the end result will be positive.

Remember; humans aren’t predictable. Not at all. In fact they are quite the opposite.

Please don’t be afraid to love again. Please know it won’t always be like this. Please know that the pain you feel now really is worth it, and that it will help the next time round.

I’ll take all the swearing as a sign you’re really not prepared to discuss the “next time round.” And that’s fine. Take time for you. For yourself. For your well being, for your emotions to heal, for your head to clear, and for you to really feel complete.

I know you feel like your in bits and pieces. Like you’ve shattered and can never be repaired. I’m here to tell you that you can and will be whole again.

When?

I wish I knew, and I know you do, too. Will it be easy? Nope. Not at all. Will it hurt? Like a motherfucker. Will it be worth it? You bet your ass it will.

I know it seems a distant memory, but I told you all this months ago. I reminded you that even though you gave everything, all of you, every ounce, that sometimes it’s just not meant to be. That sometimes life has other plans and that’s not where you’re meant to be, no matter how deeply you feel you should be.

I also told you to stop crying. Because, really, what is that solving? Absolutely fucking nothing. So stop. It just makes your eyes swell and your cheeks puff out. Plus your makeup runs. Come on, you’re better than that.

Your heart will heal, and you’ll pull through. You always do.

Sincerely,

The girl whose heart is absolutely breaking

xx

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~ by drivingmsmiranda on November 22, 2016.

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