Distance

distance

I travel a great deal. Once a month, minimum, I’m away from home. Away from my life, my son, my cats, my responsibilities (so to speak). I’m not away for vacation (though some might see it as that). I travel for work. But the point is; I’m away. I put distance between myself and the people and things I love. The catch is, I know I’ll return.

When distance between you and something you love happens without knowing when that gap will be closed (if ever), that’s a whole other story, and one I’ve only just become privy to.

Distance is a funny thing. Perhaps “funny” is the wrong word here. Maybe “odd” is a better choice. Yes, odd. Distance can have a few results, all of which I’ve experienced over the years.

When I go away for a few days at a time each month, it’s a bit of a breather. My time away, my distance from the everyday mundane, the daily routine, the grind that is my life, tends to put everything into perspective. When I’m away, I’m not immune to everything happening at home. In fact, I likely think about it more because I’m removed from it. I’ll often come up with plans for home decoration renos or plan upcoming bill payments/document submission, and then actually DO IT when I get back because I’m motivated and realize the importance of such things when I’m removed from the situation.

The weight of it all isn’t atop me when I’m away. I can breathe. I can think. I see clearly.

I feel like the same can be said for distance in a relationship.

Sometimes emotions and feelings can be stifling. Fuck, they can be downright suffocating to the point of complete oxygen deprivation. But then that’s the beauty of emotions, no? They are all encompassing; they take over. They make us human, even if we don’t want to accept them all or express them fully. They’re there, and they’re heavy. Really heavy.

So, what if you could remove yourself from those heavy, weighed down emotions? Wouldn’t you?

We all know the infamous “we were on a break” scene from Friends with Ross and Rachel, but there’s some profound truth to the very basic nature of their “break.” They created distance between them, a distance that was needed in order to see things more clearly.

We’re often blinded by things that are placed in front of us every day. We don’t see things clearly because they are always there, so why would be really pay that much attention? However, remove that thing and suddenly we are more aware; either of a need to have that thing returned or a realization that we don’t really care and can move on.

Truthfully, I’ve taken a great deal of “space” before I wrote this piece … I wanted to ensure I was seeing things clearly, that I wasn’t blinded by emotion (anger/sadness/love/hate/insecurities). I needed that space from my writing to really get my thoughts in order. Shocking, right?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all things in life could go that way? Someone yells at you at work and you have a few hours/days to solidify your response instead of replying with a knee-jerk reaction that will likely get you into trouble. Or your child says something or does something you don’t appreciate and in the moment and instead of flying off the handle at them, you take a deep breath and instead address the action a few hours later (obviously not effective, but at least you’ve not said or done something you’ll regret).

 

Distance.

 

Time zones are brutal. For all my travelling, time zones are always the bitch. From 3 hours to 12 hours, I’ve experienced it all. Separation by kilometres is one thing; separation by time is a whole other story. You’re experiencing the day differently, mind focusing on a different portion of life (starting the day vs ending it is a whole different mindset). I never realized how significant time zones were till I was separated in both distance and time zones from someone I cared deeply for …

Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?

I’ve considered this a great deal lately. Truthfully, I don’t think it changes anything at all. It doesn’t make affection grow at all. It very likely makes it diminish, but it doesn’t make it grow. Hear me out here.

There’s no way being away from someone you love can make you love them more. You’re away from them. How could that bond grow? No, being away from someone makes you love them for real. It makes you realize what you’ve lost. The love you already had is made blindingly clear. It’s presented to you, perhaps in a fashion you didn’t quite expect, but it’s no more or less then it was when you were with the person. It’s just made a reality because you’ve now got clarity. You’ve had the chance to step back and assess the situation.

So, no, distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart grow real.

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~ by drivingmsmiranda on June 22, 2016.

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