Why do you hate me so, Beige Corolla?
In the 11 years that I’ve been driving, no matter what I’ve been driving, one element on the road has managed to become the bane of my enjoyment on the road:
The Beige Corolla.
It doesn’t matter what year or model trim, the Beige Corolla is a menace on the road. From lane drifting to sudden braking, inconsistent acceleration and horrendous park jobs, the actions of the Beige Corolla never cease to amaze me.
And it also doesn’t seem to matter the age or gender of the driver either. There’s something about the Beige Corolla that brings out the worst in drivers. Like an infection, the Beige Corolla takes over the driver’s best skills and replaces them with daft decisions and horrible foresight.
Case in point: As I was making my way to my parent’s place yesterday morning, I was enjoying the serene, peaceful country back roads with my windows down and my music up. The sun was shining and I was basking in the glory of my Freshly Pressed fame, when suddenly I cam upon a Beige Corolla.
I considered the options: stay behind the Beige Corolla doing 65 km/hr in a 90 km/hr zone; pass the Beige Corolla and risk a side collision as I watched the little vermin swerve from his lane occasionally; stop entirely and wait for the Beige Corolla to hopefully turn off from my road of choice and continue on my way.
I really liked the idea of option #3, but decided my best bet was to pass Beige Corolla before he decided to randomly slam on the brakes and send me careening into his bumper.
Just as I was prepping to make the pass, Beige Corolla did just that: he slammed on his brakes so hard his tires squealed (and I had enough time to notice that neither of his back brake lights worked, only his rear window one did) and without signaling (oh thorn in my side) he suddenly pulled to the left (where I was about to pass him) and swerved into a random driveway, gravel and dust billowing out behind him.
I narrowly missed the bumper of Beige Corolla while I tried my best to avoid the ditch on the right, slamming on my own brakes and making a sharp maneuver.
Now, this is largely the driver’s fault, but I can’t help but make the connection to the car he or she was driving. The Beige Corolla always manages to
fuck screw me on the road, and I’m getting pretty sick of it.
It’s gotten to the point now where I will actually do anything and everything in my power to avoid the Beige Corolla on the road. Staying behind one isn’t an option, neither is parking next to one.
The one time I’ve been hit in a parking lot (by a woman who blamed me for hitting her when she backed out into me as I was driving slowly passed and she hit my bumper) was in (you guessed it) a Beige Corolla. I almost laughed at the situation when she got out all angry at me, asking my how it is that I didn’t see her. Um, because I already passed you and you didn’t see me? But clearly I’m in the wrong and your precious Beige Corolla is the victim here.
I’ve driven a Corolla as a test vehicle, but it wasn’t beige. Had it been beige, I would have politely declined the test drive and walked out as quickly as possible.
I refuse to become a Beige Corolla driver; and I feel it would happen. I like to think that the car is possessing its drivers because there is no way every single driver of a Beige Corolla could be so horrible on the road… or is there?
You’ve been warned.
Drive on (and beware of the Beige Corolla),